November 5, 2009

“You’ll be sorry!” he called, red-cheeked and breathless, as they climbed into their luxury sedan. “You’ll be sorry for what you’ve done! — to me, first of all, but also to little Suzie! You’ll regret everything, I promise you. I promise you, do you hear me? I promise you! This is not the last you’ve heard of Kevin Totenlieder!”  This, however, would be the last they would ever hear of Kevin Totenlieder, for they never saw him again. They would soon forget all about him and little Suzie, to say nothing of what they’d done. Also, they would never be sorry. You just can’t trust Kevin Totenlieder about these things.

October 5, 2009

It should be commonly understood by now that one has talent only as one is unwilling to use it. Mitchell “Mitch” Capoclaque, accordingly, is talented. In fact, he’s the most talented man I know. He is, not to put too fine a point on it, dead.

June 22, 2009

This is the — This is the way the — This is — This is the way the world — not with a — not with — not with a bang, but — but a — a — This is the way — This —

May 26, 2009

A man walked into a bar and farted. You would’ve had to’ve been there.

May 17, 2009

An extract from the private journal of AA Cooper, 3rd Earl of Shaftesbury:

- May 15, 1695:  If, whilst I am, I am but as I should be, what do I care more?
- May 16, 1695:  If, whilst I am, I am but as I should be, what do I care more?
- May 17, 1695:  If, whilst I am, I am but as I should be, what do I care more?
- May 18, 1695:  If, whilst I am, I am but as I should be, what do I care more?
- May 19, 1695:  If, whilst I am, I am but as I should be, what do I care more?

May 16, 2009

Polonius:  What do you read, my Lord?

Hamlet:  Words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words,words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words,words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words,words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words,words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words,words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words, words [and so on...]

March 2, 2007

Tu conversus vivificabis nos.